Tailgate gate

Drivers who tailgate.

The tiny 3-word sentence alone nearly enough to induce temporary insanity or some other full-mind malady as my brain busies itself navigating its undulations. A sailor in a tiny boat on a rough sea … searching for an answer in a bottle to the profound annoyance & stupidity ingrained in the act.

Einstein’s string theory – of which I have close to zero understanding – comes in clearer and more complete in its complexity. The Great Pyramids of Giza: explainable by a simple, if yet universally accepted, engineering solution. Israel; Palestine; Sunnis vs. Shiites … I know you – you know me – one thing I can tell you is you got to be free – come together – over me. Boom shakalaka. Boom shakalaka.  Done. Easy peasy.

But why someone piloting 2-plus tons of steel & glass at speeds exceeding 55 mph would intentionally position this automotive abattoir within scant feet of the equally deadly 2-plus ton mass of steel & glass I’m piloting, I simply cannot grasp – leaving me at a loss for any recognizable explanation.

kkk canon city 1925

This photo of devotees of the KKK – bed sheets, pointy hats and all – having a gay old time riding a Ferris Wheel resonates with more clarity and less dichotomy than does the concept of the desire of the driver behind me to emulate the greeting ritual of two dogs getting to know each other.

It’s at least understandable – irrational hatred & lynchings aside. The men under the killing costumes are none the less human beings who, between burning crosses & trips to the laundromat were probably just seeking some down time at the local Carney.

But in the time it takes to read this sentence …

SPLAT …

if I tapped my brakes as I spotted something in the road directly in front of me which the delirious dog in the car sniffing me did not & could not see.

And this is on a good day. A clear, dry day. Throw some rain or snow into the mix and it’d be all over but the crying, death & dying … ‘they both died instantly’ read the news, oh boy. Then again, doesn’t everyone die ‘instantly?’ … ‘you’re alive .. you’re alive .. you’re alive .. you’re dead.’

It used to make me irate, trying to figure out this tailgate gate. Would tense all up. Flip the rear view mirror up so I didn’t see. Ignorant bliss at its best.

But I’ve decided to no longer let the angry pack get the better of me. Now, when I spy someone filling my rear view, I just sit back & smile at their utter absurdity. Make an overly grand display of waving back and forth – is there any other way of waving? – so they’ll know I know they’re there.

Sometimes, I’ll even tap my brakes to disengage the cruise control … and go slower and slower …

In essence, turning tail & biting the dog behind me who’s been getting just a little too personal for just a little too long.

In a dog eat dog world, it’s either eat or be eaten.

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